Thanksgiving was invented by prisoners in the tower of London in 1666.
It is most famously celebrated by pilgrims who breed turkeys and release them on the last Thursday in November. Amongest the Masai people thanksgiving is observed by selecting a long branch or switch and whipping your female grateful relatives.
In America the holiday began as the giving of "Fanques" a french breed of dog. Unfortunately the native americans couldnt pronounce "fanques" the word became "thanks"....
The holiday is observed in all the the fifty american states and also the other two that aren't represented by stars on the flag and all other countries where Americans are living, except for at Beth's place coz she forgot (that's what happens to people when they successfully break free of patriotism and their country and become kiwi!).
Today I am thankful for all the people I love and my Oprah Ticket!
Friday, November 26, 2010
Wednesday, November 24, 2010
Oprah
Oprah was created 457 million years ago from ancient star dust and discarded unicorn horn. She was transported to the earth on a small quilted cushion through a multidimensional wormhole from somewhere in the Horsehead Nebula.
Her alien origins have been hidden from public view, with the exception of a few occasions. One of these was when she tried to "unwrap" her 1985 Best Supporting Actress Oscar, thinking it was chocolate wrapped in gold foil. Her film career has included playing a slave, a goose, a bee and a frog. Of her 18,000 books her favorite is "Look Under Your Chair: a guide to gift giving". Oprah isn't just a tv/film star and author, she also rules the radio waves with her epic radio show Oprah And Friends.
Oprah will never technically die as her blood cells are actually bioengineered with nano particles and her brain is riddled with secret apple computer technology. It is said that one drop of her blood will dissolve flesh eating bacteria. Her skin is elvish mesh and tattooed with positive affirmations which become embedded in the subconscious of all who hear her voice. Oprah weighs the same as two shedded snake skins.
Extraordinarily flexible, Oprah is trained in 37 martial arts. In her 5th grading in Go Ju Kai Karate she accidentally opened the portal to nirvana and to avoid being pulled into the next life of bliss she performed the oft thought impossible Finger of Radiant Contemplation closing the portal and inadvertently ending a drought in Southern Ireland.
Oprah holds honours degrees in Cognitive Metastatistics, Molecular Stereooceanoacoustics and Polyeconomics. Her name, which resulted from a mispelling of Orpah, has been attributed with healing rabies in wolves and cleft palate in humans. Seven species of South American butterfly, three species of Papua New Guinea marsupial and two species of extinct New Zealand bat include her name in their scientific designation.
Favoured by morris dancers, Oprah is reverred as Queen of the Maypole and celebrated three times a year by a mass parading of morris dancing in small Welsh villages.
In the winter months Oprah travels the world on the back of a giant white swan granting wishes and performing random acts of compassion. On the birthday of a very special man Oprah will magically appear in front of thousands of Southern Hemispherians AND I WILL BE THERE!!!!
Her alien origins have been hidden from public view, with the exception of a few occasions. One of these was when she tried to "unwrap" her 1985 Best Supporting Actress Oscar, thinking it was chocolate wrapped in gold foil. Her film career has included playing a slave, a goose, a bee and a frog. Of her 18,000 books her favorite is "Look Under Your Chair: a guide to gift giving". Oprah isn't just a tv/film star and author, she also rules the radio waves with her epic radio show Oprah And Friends.
Oprah will never technically die as her blood cells are actually bioengineered with nano particles and her brain is riddled with secret apple computer technology. It is said that one drop of her blood will dissolve flesh eating bacteria. Her skin is elvish mesh and tattooed with positive affirmations which become embedded in the subconscious of all who hear her voice. Oprah weighs the same as two shedded snake skins.
Extraordinarily flexible, Oprah is trained in 37 martial arts. In her 5th grading in Go Ju Kai Karate she accidentally opened the portal to nirvana and to avoid being pulled into the next life of bliss she performed the oft thought impossible Finger of Radiant Contemplation closing the portal and inadvertently ending a drought in Southern Ireland.
Oprah holds honours degrees in Cognitive Metastatistics, Molecular Stereooceanoacoustics and Polyeconomics. Her name, which resulted from a mispelling of Orpah, has been attributed with healing rabies in wolves and cleft palate in humans. Seven species of South American butterfly, three species of Papua New Guinea marsupial and two species of extinct New Zealand bat include her name in their scientific designation.
Favoured by morris dancers, Oprah is reverred as Queen of the Maypole and celebrated three times a year by a mass parading of morris dancing in small Welsh villages.
In the winter months Oprah travels the world on the back of a giant white swan granting wishes and performing random acts of compassion. On the birthday of a very special man Oprah will magically appear in front of thousands of Southern Hemispherians AND I WILL BE THERE!!!!
Monday, November 22, 2010
Shine's Unbelievable Birthday
Shine's birthday was invented on Pluto and is tattooed on the hand of all geniuses (genii?). The two days leading up to her birthday are celebrated by agricultural events and the gathering of large workhorses which parade in sparkly harness gear pulling sleds and logs back and forth in front of her. Many people compete in vegetable growing and decorative bakery to gain her favour.
In America Shine's birthday is celebrated with a meal of gratefulness on the closest Thursday.
The beginning of her birthday month is heralded by a famous horse race in the town of her birth which draws horses from all over the world.
The men of Shine's country grow moustaches all month in honour of her birthday, raising money which they donate to charity.
November in Taiwanese means "Month Of Shine"... and the natives of Easter Island perform a dance celebrating the birth of Shine, whilst wearing small gourds upon their heads...
In Scandanavia men sing a song titled "Shiney Hiney Me-o Miney" to their cats, and paint ancient egyptian runes upon their shoes.
The legend of Shine dates back to Viking times, attributed to the first queen of the vikings, Shine the reflective.
This name was given to the queen, not because she was introspective about herself, but rather that she reflected 80% of ambient light from her smile and her orange hat.
Viking Queen Shine was known to be generous and kind, whilst her nephew Rain was known to be silly. This led to the phrase "Rain or Shine" to which the asked would answer, "Dawn."
This made no sense.
The Babylonians worshipped a Godess named Shyne, who loved horses above all other animals. She loved them so much she married 71 of of them. This led to the coining of the phrase "taking a shine to you"... meaning the speaker would gladly shovel out the listener's stall.
On Jupiter Shine's birthday is only 9 hours long, but on Mars is it nearly 25 hours long. Martians celebrate this day by carving enormous faces in stone, looking towards earth. On Neptune Shine's birthday is celebrated with the traditional giving of purple nurples and candy. On leap years Shine leaps without looking, but doesnt come to harm because November 22nd is a long way away from February 29th.
In America Shine's birthday is celebrated with a meal of gratefulness on the closest Thursday.
The beginning of her birthday month is heralded by a famous horse race in the town of her birth which draws horses from all over the world.
The men of Shine's country grow moustaches all month in honour of her birthday, raising money which they donate to charity.
November in Taiwanese means "Month Of Shine"... and the natives of Easter Island perform a dance celebrating the birth of Shine, whilst wearing small gourds upon their heads...
In Scandanavia men sing a song titled "Shiney Hiney Me-o Miney" to their cats, and paint ancient egyptian runes upon their shoes.
The legend of Shine dates back to Viking times, attributed to the first queen of the vikings, Shine the reflective.
This name was given to the queen, not because she was introspective about herself, but rather that she reflected 80% of ambient light from her smile and her orange hat.
Viking Queen Shine was known to be generous and kind, whilst her nephew Rain was known to be silly. This led to the phrase "Rain or Shine" to which the asked would answer, "Dawn."
This made no sense.
The Babylonians worshipped a Godess named Shyne, who loved horses above all other animals. She loved them so much she married 71 of of them. This led to the coining of the phrase "taking a shine to you"... meaning the speaker would gladly shovel out the listener's stall.
On Jupiter Shine's birthday is only 9 hours long, but on Mars is it nearly 25 hours long. Martians celebrate this day by carving enormous faces in stone, looking towards earth. On Neptune Shine's birthday is celebrated with the traditional giving of purple nurples and candy. On leap years Shine leaps without looking, but doesnt come to harm because November 22nd is a long way away from February 29th.
Sunday, November 14, 2010
The New Bullying aka When is a Joke Not a Joke
So... an airport that may or may not have needed to close due to snow, so frustrated a guy (who perhaps didn't have his RL friends around to vent to, or perhaps he has no friends... I'm just sayin'...) that he had a verbal tantrum akin to roadrage. Expressed in a 140 character tweet in which he mentioned blowing up said airport.
Seems an airport person, probably also frustrated about something (having no friends perhaps?), saw it (were they doing a search about their workplace?? see previous brackets) and reported it to the police. Original frustrated person was arrested, sent to court and fined for being menacing.
This brings to mind at least two different uses of the concept of "joke".
1. The tweeter says it was "only a joke" (and don't get me started on the way people flippantly deny responsibility by cracking out this line coz that is a subject for an, as yet, undrafted blog post).
2. The public money and time spent on this - it's got to be a joke! #twitterjoketrail
Anyway... so, of course lots of people are venting about it in their different ways.
Lots of tweeters (including a number of celebs) are showing support by tweeting their own version of the offending tweet with the hash tag #iamspartacus and changing their avatars to include a "may be a joke" disclaimer.
Stephen Fry (we love him!) has declared he will pay whatever this fellow is fined. I assume on the principal of free speech - and not the principal of badly managing one's feelings ...
People are writing blogs (err, not just me!) and columns about it. Including this one which refers to someone inferring they would like another person stoned to death (another joke, of course?!?) They got in trouble too and their defense? "I did not 'call' for the stoning of anybody. I made an ill-conceived attempt at humour." <-- read: "Just joking"!
The whole airport bombing tweet arrest and fine thing just reeks to me of old fuddyduddies grasping at straws trying to work out how to deal with this new problem of abuse. And, even though they are fuddyduddies, and out of touch with the youth and their new fangled communication technologies, their intentions are good.
But to me it's not a new problem. It's the same problem. I don't know when it started but it's been around for a long time.
Maybe millenia, maybe the cave people abused each other by being mean, angry and spiteful - or maybe it has evolved more recently since tribal warfare largely became out dated and more people began sitting around inside at their desks and doing less physical exercise.
I don't know.
I do know that it makes me think of a larger context of text bullying and facebook bullying and the destruction of a teenager's last refuge. Of vulnerable people lying on their beds, in their only sanctuary, with abuse spewing out of their phones.
I don't know if the broadening of the potential percieved audience or the escalation of the spread of a teenagers humilation exponentially increases their crushing feeling of despair and hopelessness, or their likelyhood of suicide. But I know about lying on your bed in the dark and stewing about the awfulness of being, and I can only begin to imagine how much this is compounded by a string of texts reinforcing it.
A bullying victim with a cell phone or a computer has no safe refuge.
I have to applaud people who want to do something about that.
Or do I?
Just as there are better things to have a tantrum about than an airport closing due to weather that no one can control, there are better things to spend our money and time on than the process of fining someone for saying something stupid on the internet.
If only we could take that time and money and put it into some sort of personal development programme that helps people deal with their anger better, build self esteem and be more compassionate.
So... where does freedom of speech come into it? Sounds like a good thing to be in support of, don't you think?
I am tempted to be wary of Stephen Fry throwing down his money in a way that can be percieved as supporting an idiot (that's a joke... I have no idea if this guy is an idiot, unless you go by his texty actions of course). I imagine he is actually throwing down his money in the wider principal of freedom of speech and such.
The freedom to make a joke?
I don't know if there is a definition of joke that everyone could agree with. Just as there is no universal joke that everyone laughs at. It's one of those "in the eye of the beholder" things.
The whole thing just brings up lots of "I don't know"s and "I do know"s for me.
How should it work?
People have the right to say what they want? People have the right to say what they want as long as it is not offensive to someone else? People have the right to say whatever they want as long as they don't do it directly to an individual?
Did people take a break from saying horrible things for a few decades and now that they can do it from behind a screen where no one can see them they feel free to express the anger they hold inside? And now that they aren't seen they say it.
I don't know.
I do know it all boils down to self hatred anyway.
I do know it's not new, it's just that there is a faster and broader audience for people's wretchedness.
I do know I understand the frustration of lawmakers with good intentions, law enforcers and people that can only cope with an impending airport closure by having an abusive tantrum.
So what do we do about it?
I don't know... but I'm thinking about it.
Now I shall go and research the concept of freedom of speech... and perhaps common sense.
Seems an airport person, probably also frustrated about something (having no friends perhaps?), saw it (were they doing a search about their workplace?? see previous brackets) and reported it to the police. Original frustrated person was arrested, sent to court and fined for being menacing.
This brings to mind at least two different uses of the concept of "joke".
1. The tweeter says it was "only a joke" (and don't get me started on the way people flippantly deny responsibility by cracking out this line coz that is a subject for an, as yet, undrafted blog post).
2. The public money and time spent on this - it's got to be a joke! #twitterjoketrail
Anyway... so, of course lots of people are venting about it in their different ways.
Lots of tweeters (including a number of celebs) are showing support by tweeting their own version of the offending tweet with the hash tag #iamspartacus and changing their avatars to include a "may be a joke" disclaimer.
Stephen Fry (we love him!) has declared he will pay whatever this fellow is fined. I assume on the principal of free speech - and not the principal of badly managing one's feelings ...
People are writing blogs (err, not just me!) and columns about it. Including this one which refers to someone inferring they would like another person stoned to death (another joke, of course?!?) They got in trouble too and their defense? "I did not 'call' for the stoning of anybody. I made an ill-conceived attempt at humour." <-- read: "Just joking"!
The whole airport bombing tweet arrest and fine thing just reeks to me of old fuddyduddies grasping at straws trying to work out how to deal with this new problem of abuse. And, even though they are fuddyduddies, and out of touch with the youth and their new fangled communication technologies, their intentions are good.
But to me it's not a new problem. It's the same problem. I don't know when it started but it's been around for a long time.
Maybe millenia, maybe the cave people abused each other by being mean, angry and spiteful - or maybe it has evolved more recently since tribal warfare largely became out dated and more people began sitting around inside at their desks and doing less physical exercise.
I don't know.
I do know that it makes me think of a larger context of text bullying and facebook bullying and the destruction of a teenager's last refuge. Of vulnerable people lying on their beds, in their only sanctuary, with abuse spewing out of their phones.
I don't know if the broadening of the potential percieved audience or the escalation of the spread of a teenagers humilation exponentially increases their crushing feeling of despair and hopelessness, or their likelyhood of suicide. But I know about lying on your bed in the dark and stewing about the awfulness of being, and I can only begin to imagine how much this is compounded by a string of texts reinforcing it.
A bullying victim with a cell phone or a computer has no safe refuge.
I have to applaud people who want to do something about that.
Or do I?
Just as there are better things to have a tantrum about than an airport closing due to weather that no one can control, there are better things to spend our money and time on than the process of fining someone for saying something stupid on the internet.
If only we could take that time and money and put it into some sort of personal development programme that helps people deal with their anger better, build self esteem and be more compassionate.
So... where does freedom of speech come into it? Sounds like a good thing to be in support of, don't you think?
I am tempted to be wary of Stephen Fry throwing down his money in a way that can be percieved as supporting an idiot (that's a joke... I have no idea if this guy is an idiot, unless you go by his texty actions of course). I imagine he is actually throwing down his money in the wider principal of freedom of speech and such.
The freedom to make a joke?
I don't know if there is a definition of joke that everyone could agree with. Just as there is no universal joke that everyone laughs at. It's one of those "in the eye of the beholder" things.
The whole thing just brings up lots of "I don't know"s and "I do know"s for me.
How should it work?
People have the right to say what they want? People have the right to say what they want as long as it is not offensive to someone else? People have the right to say whatever they want as long as they don't do it directly to an individual?
Did people take a break from saying horrible things for a few decades and now that they can do it from behind a screen where no one can see them they feel free to express the anger they hold inside? And now that they aren't seen they say it.
I don't know.
I do know it all boils down to self hatred anyway.
I do know it's not new, it's just that there is a faster and broader audience for people's wretchedness.
I do know I understand the frustration of lawmakers with good intentions, law enforcers and people that can only cope with an impending airport closure by having an abusive tantrum.
So what do we do about it?
I don't know... but I'm thinking about it.
Now I shall go and research the concept of freedom of speech... and perhaps common sense.
Unbelievable Oranges
"Oranges are made of titanium. They were discovered on the Galapagos Islands by Buzz Aldrin in 1761, during the Franco-Russo-Anglo-Gnome War.
When you peel them they are segmented inside. If you remove one segment, the orange will explode 6 years later.
The french word for Orange is Pink and it is said Marie Antoinnette ate 72 oranges a day, until she was beheaded at the end of the French Revolution. It was said her blood had 25% of the daily recommended intake of vitamin C." - Todd
"*buzz* I think it is true that oranges are segmented inside. And i think it is true that she was beheaded in the French Revolution" - Shine
Anyone else listen to David Mitchell's Unbelieveable Truth?
When you peel them they are segmented inside. If you remove one segment, the orange will explode 6 years later.
The french word for Orange is Pink and it is said Marie Antoinnette ate 72 oranges a day, until she was beheaded at the end of the French Revolution. It was said her blood had 25% of the daily recommended intake of vitamin C." - Todd
"*buzz* I think it is true that oranges are segmented inside. And i think it is true that she was beheaded in the French Revolution" - Shine
Anyone else listen to David Mitchell's Unbelieveable Truth?
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