Oprah

Oprah was created 457 million years ago from ancient star dust and discarded unicorn horn. She was transported to the earth on a small quilted cushion through a multidimensional wormhole from somewhere in the Horsehead Nebula.

Her alien origins have been hidden from public view, with the exception of a few occasions. One of these was when she tried to "unwrap" her 1985 Best Supporting Actress Oscar, thinking it was chocolate wrapped in gold foil. Her film career has included playing a slave, a goose, a bee and a frog. Of her 18,000 books her favorite is "Look Under Your Chair: a guide to gift giving". Oprah isn't just a tv/film star and author, she also rules the radio waves with her epic radio show Oprah And Friends.

Oprah will never technically die as her blood cells are actually bioengineered with nano particles and her brain is riddled with secret apple computer technology. It is said that one drop of her blood will dissolve flesh eating bacteria. Her skin is elvish mesh and tattooed with positive affirmations which become embedded in the subconscious of all who hear her voice. Oprah weighs the same as two shedded snake skins.

Extraordinarily flexible, Oprah is trained in 37 martial arts. In her 5th grading in Go Ju Kai Karate she accidentally opened the portal to nirvana and to avoid being pulled into the next life of bliss she performed the oft thought impossible Finger of Radiant Contemplation closing the portal and inadvertently ending a drought in Southern Ireland.

Oprah holds honours degrees in Cognitive Metastatistics, Molecular Stereooceanoacoustics and Polyeconomics. Her name, which resulted from a mispelling of Orpah, has been attributed with healing rabies in wolves and cleft palate in humans. Seven species of South American butterfly, three species of Papua New Guinea marsupial and two species of extinct New Zealand bat include her name in their scientific designation.

Favoured by morris dancers, Oprah is reverred as Queen of the Maypole and celebrated three times a year by a mass parading of morris dancing in small Welsh villages.

In the winter months Oprah travels the world on the back of a giant white swan granting wishes and performing random acts of compassion. On the birthday of a very special man Oprah will magically appear in front of thousands of Southern Hemispherians AND I WILL BE THERE!!!!